In the year twenty nineteen, there are a many great number of things in the wash right now. People are frazzled, dazed and confused so to speak. A lot of it has to do with the current system of what has been built by perhaps well meaning people, but those that are not aware of what harm it would cause to humanity.
In this series of stories I will try to show path through the maze of wretched hives of wasps that still want to build bots that bake your mind.
So it begins…. In A world of Twits, Be A Johnny!
In the twenty minutes shopping spree I was making for groceries for the next few days, there was over a hundred notifications from my last post that I made before I left for the store. It seems I’ve blown up on twitter and making a racket with getting a hundred thousand likes in the span of twenty minutes.
As I’m walking down the isles people stop to look at me and wonder what’s going on that my phone keeps blowing up like that. Seems every isle that has shoppers on it is getting to see what a success I’ve become.
I don’t bother making eye contact, or doing necessary greasing the wheels of how to make life better for everyone else. I’m only interested in getting more hits, more likes, and making people stop to take selfies with me in the grocery store while trying to navigate the vegetable isle.
No parsley. Selfie with some stranger in front of mangos. Walking down the cheese isle, there is a group of pop divas in drag, they want a selfie too. Another ten minutes later I’m in the dairy isle looking for non dairy creamer for my decaf coffee that I only drink when it comes from some foreign market in Istanbul that has been baked in the guts of a mule for two weeks.
Selfie with the cashier. This is wild. What a ride. No culture, I don’t have time to read books, or think about the news. I get all my news from twitter, like a cat in front of the tv getting its fix on pixilated decaf.
Putting the groceries away, my phone blows up again, the cashier at the super market just went viral and now she’s getting a hundred thousand likes and doesn’t have time to help customers because she is getting her phone blown up from the selfie with me. Wow, I’ve really made her day and life better. I wonder what tv show she will end up on.
I sit in front of the tv, while scrolling through ten thousand pages of twitter feeds, liking everything that someone else has already liked in the hopes it will continue to boost my score in the system that my post tomorrow might make two hundred thousand likes. My eyes glaze over, between the beer, the tv, the cat, and my phone battery being almost dead, I put the phone on the charger and pass out.
In the morning, I figure I will fill out that job application that I meant to work on two weeks ago before I made it big into the twitter sphere and maybe by next week I will be on tv.
Sitting in front of the tv with a case of beer, the tv on the late show, and my trusty android phone from the ozarks. I pop the lid on another beer and flick through twitter. Seems I’m the most popular guy on Twitter, I have a hundred thousand followers and they like every single one of my posts that come on about the road kill I picked up this morning on the side of the road that’s sitting in the fridge.
It’s amazing how many people just love this stuff. The eating isn’t great, but it makes all my fans happy, so I’m going to keep doing it, even if I get worms.
Ding! You have three thousand notifications from twitter on your post about the dead possum that you picked up this morning, your fans want to know if you will be eating that with tomato and orange jelly in the meat?
Reply to the whole thread and finish cooking road kill, I want to post a picture of it, before I eat it to show everyone how good it is. Yum!
Thirty seconds after posting the tweet, my phone blows up with five hundred thousand likes. Oh man wait until I tell the kettle about this one. She is going to be so proud of me, maybe I will get laid again, it’s been about six months since I got this kind of response and she’s going to be so proud of me that I’m sure to get into the sack with her again, if she isn’t sleeping with the neighbor that is. I should check his feed too while I’m at it.
I go through his posts and like them all, no sign of my wife on here, so she must not be fucking him. I go over and look at her feed to see what she has been doing. It’s all about the problem with pizza only coming in boxes of two. I don’t give a damn how many pizza’s she orders as long as she isn’t fucking George.
I pop another beer, that’s life. My phone blows up and I get such a rush from it, that I pass out, throw up on myself, and wake up at four am with the dog pissing on me. So much for getting laid that was so yesterday’s news about my road kill.
Bored stupid. No one likes me. I have zero friends. No one messages me. I guess my post about my hairy armpits isn’t working out too good, maybe I should go vegan like everyone else and shave them? I don’t know, maybe I should ask twitter what they think before I do it, you know, just to make sure it’s like cool with everyone in the hive that I shave my armpits.
They will like the idea of going vegan. That’s so cool right now. Everyone is doing it. Still I post my message and don’t get any responses. It doesn’t matter what I do, no one will notice. No one cares. No one gives a shit. Maybe I will just smoke some hash and watch some tv. Cause like life’s just so difficult.
Six hours on binge watching tv, the cat needs fed, but maybe I will just smoke some more hash, maybe the cat can catch some rats for supper. After four am I pass out and don’t wake up until the next day at one pm. So much for getting anything done, by the time I order pizza and smoke more weed, It will be time for my show on tv tonight. Life’s so rough. I don’t know how people have time to work. Feeding the cat is just so hard to take care of. Say where is the cat, I don’t think I have seen him in several weeks.
After several hours of looking for the cat, I remember that I don’t have a cat, and that’s why there is no food for them. Maybe I will get some pizza and watch tv some more. Tomorrow I will go vegan if it’s cool with the people on twitter and then if they still like me in a few weeks, maybe I will shave my armpits. I don’t know, that’s a big step. What would the guys think if I was like cleaner and smelled nice?
Working is such a drag. It gets in the way of my social life. Like I get hundreds of tweets and hour and my boss is such a jerk he only lets me check my phone on my lunch break. It messes with the twitter algorithms and it makes it so I can never reach five thousand followers. Damn, I’m going to have to quit this job and take up writing so that I can have time to gain my followers and build my brand.
I don’t have any experience, but I can learn. All I have to be doing is online all the time and always hitting like and share, and then like wham, my phone will blow up and I will have made it big time. Maybe someday I will be like that guy that takes all the selfies at the grocery store with the drag queens that has five hundred thousand followers.
I’ve been working on something for the space agency, some report that says earths population is going to die out because no one knows how to grow food anymore. But I’m really more interested in gaining my followers and building a brand, and this report isn’t due for six more months. I guess now would be a good time to quit, and level up to being more twitter like.
Yeah. I’m going to tell my boss off, and go vegan, maybe twitter will love me then. You know everyone is doing it. It’s the big time. Someday I might even get my own TV show. Just like what’s her name that made it big when she photographed the cat that jumped out the window of a moving van because the van was on fire and no one had the sense to stop the van. I think that cat died or something. I don’t really remember that was so six months ago. I wonder where they are now?
If I make it big time, then maybe there is a chance of getting into bed with Sandra. The young woman working at the Walmart. She will be so impressed with my thousand likes, she will like have no choice but to go out to dinner with me. She can bring her cat too, cause like; the drive thru at McDonalds doesn’t mind if you bring your cat with you in the car.
Wow. I would feel so popular. It would make my miserable boring life, so much better. Maybe we will get married, have some kids, and get a big house then she can divorce me and take everything I worked so hard to earn. Maybe then my X-girlfriend will feel guilty enough to take me back after her relationship with her girlfriend goes sour. Maybe in ten years down the line. You know? A human can always hope for the best.
I work a full time job doing important stuff for an agency. In the twenty minutes that I take off between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, I had a hundred thousand flyers printed up that advertise my twitter handle. I don’t really care who goes to it, there is nothing important there. Just stupid posts about the problems with humans going into internet shock. I figure no one watches or they would have noticed by now. Right now I have more important things to be doing than care about how many followers I have. There is some guy selling drugs at grocery stores to people in drag, and ruining cashiers lives every time he goes to the supermarket. We’re working on breaking the guy so he can’t take selfies anymore.
In the meantime, there is like important stuff to be doing, like taking care of my responsibilities to the agency, and I don’t have time to be messing around with how many people care about my twitter feed. You know?